A drop of tear...

Gudnight.....And she slept off....This is how she started everyday,drowsy,weird,lazy..Its 3 in the morning she just got up..thinking about something no sleep now, turning side by side trying to sleep... Dogs have started barking,howling and as usual she is scared now and went inside the blanket and slumbered.

The phone rang....Tring Tring !!! Hello..."U STILL SLEEPING,ITS AROUND 11:00..!!! GET UP,GET UP..." and she got up from her bed...."yea good morning :)". The texting continues.... rare ones :P By evening, one text message received, " U THERE,COME ON WHATSAPP".  She smiled,and yes!! she was blushing, "I AM ALREADY THERE" :D 

- "MADAM AAPKO KAHA JANA HE,MADAM...HELLO" 

= Errrrrrr!!!! 

= "KYA"

-  "KAUNSA STOP HE AAPKA" ...................

=  "SORRY I SLEPT OFF AGAIN :( , BHAIYA IS STOP PE UTTARNA HE "

Got down at the bus stop and started walking back, took her phone out and checked her phone.Text message,Whatsapp,Hangout. Kept the phone back and started walking again. Walking speedily, She was tensed, feeling bad, her eye on her foot..walking ,walking,walking...

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!! "..... WHERE THE HELL R U LOOKING....WATCH THE ROAD"

YEA......YEA....Heart Beats are faster.....reached the destination.

Work,Tantrums,Manager,Work again !!!

Opened the door, reached home..Put the bags on the table..took the phone and checked again, this continues every 3 minutes. Still no reply to the gudmorning msg she sent in the morning. laying on the bed, checking FB status, saw the chat column , "hi" no replies..... sign off from chat..checking all the old messages from phone-- What happened ? Is everything alright? not even a message?? .... and slept off again..!!!

This is not a big thing,she deals with this every day. Thinking of all those old days where people had time, there was no mute in the conversation, she missed her old friend,she missed herself, the person who said will be there whatever happens.... she missed that friendship, the friend she always wanted to be with her, the person who would know the change in voice and argue till she doesn't confess, the person who would listen all her stupid fantasies, the person who will keep nagging her no matter what happened....she knew this would happen one day,when this loneliness will kill her,prick each heartbeat for the reason why is it beating yet? why is it expecting yet ? 

Continuing.....this in her daily routine, texting -- "Hi" "u there" "r u busy " and then after a long pause, phone rings,u got a text message...she came rushing, opened the message---- " M busy "  "ok". Now she is scared, will she upset him by asking her stupid questions, will he get irritated, she doesn't know what is going on in his mind, may b hes also going through the same phase... May b this is better, to b in contact without hurting each other by saying stuffs which hurt each other. She knew that she was being ignored no matter what her heart said to herself.

This she will continue, to at least keep that friendship alive, The one she treasured most.

 One day to make the sun realize that there are some part in the world where still the sunshine has not reached yet, one day to know that there still remains a person who just longs to hear your voice once to make the days better, that by just getting your message once in a while brings a beautiful smile on her face.....

She scribbled all that she felt into her dairy  into a piece of paper, "I miss u a lot , and i wish u would realize it", mumbling to herself she lays there.Then  "Gudnite" she messaged again, a moment later looking at the phone, it came rolling down from her eyes, A drop of tear... It said it all...All that she realized.

Seeking..Me,myself !!!

I was wondering about what to write and how to start writing...I just forgot that I haven't seen the mirror from many days...Or else how could i forget myself/...I am the biggest issue i am facing now :D

Not pleasant but true!!! Sometimes i seriously think to bang my head some where to at least know what the hell is going in my life....But then i realized...."Koi Fayda nahi he!!"
Wondering about from where it all started, I gave a flash back thought of this year.........
May be it is because i went home and stayed there for some 6 to 7 months...Waste of time doing nothing in life...Grrrrr!!!! Or is it because my parents are all time discussing about getting me married??? Is it that my brothers who are too busy in their life? Or is it because of my friendship gone sour,or the trust which was broken Or is it my professional life which is more over like my personal life- "Iced" Or is it because he never thought about me in his life Or is it because people take me for granted Or is it that I do not get the respect that i expected to get. Whatever it is but it is SPOILED  :(

I stand in front of the mirror and  ask...Usually i will be alone at home so i can talk to myself easily ..Why is it so that nothing comes in a straight line....I know straight lines are not always right...But wondering why  things doesn't come as expected. Why ? Why ? why ? I know useless asking myself.

Facebook and Gmail are my new lifelines, Oh sorry Whatsapp too..(I even check my horoscope to know what my day is like) I talk to my fishies, Just me they don't respond back.. I repost the motivational and inspiring messages in Fb, but Somewhere down the lane i have realized that Its ME,...I am just taking all those tensions and worries which is unwanted,useless. I have stopped loving myself, and i wonder how will i love someone? May be it is because of that people leave me.
Every day it passes without anything much to do, not even studies go well. Every night i sleep with a hope that tomorrow it will all change and a new bright day with joy,happiness and love will come by me. I am still waiting for the clouds to clear and let the sun shine on me.
 But i am depressed so much that even if God comes to me...I wont recognize him.

I know i do not talk often about what i feel, how i feel, how disturbed i am, how i feel when you leave, how i weep day-night without any reason.. sometimes i just burst out and tell anything without thinking.....and sometimes i just keep quiet expecting you will understand me. My words fail me every time.

From all those that I have read, i think Self-Realization is the best cure to my problems. I am writing this to make me realize the issue which is bugging me so much...

U feel good,When there is a someone who tells i have expectations on you... I will be there with you... I believe you... I support you..I will wait for you...I love you..I can understand you..
I know i have to find solutions to this,myself. Finding out what went wrong will not help me,taking an effort to make good what is left out may help me.

I need to concentrate on things that make me happy. I need to go out with my friends often,I just love them.
I need to study,compulsorily.
I need to be more energetic,i need myself back.
I must have donuts from MOD,immediately.
I need to get an hair-cut, may b i will feel better ;)
I need to sleep at least 10 hours... I need my good old beautiful dreams back.
I know you are still here and you can understand me... As i told i really need to wipe out the clouds to see you clearly..
I need my good music
I just want to bring my smile back :)

The beautiful Garden City

PEOPLE SAY ITS VERY DIFFICULT TO ADAPT WITH  A NEW CITY AND NEW PEOPLE.

How can i describe this beautiful city..?? Why people come to this city ? There is only one answer, and that is its weather-the soothing weather.  It starts with a sunny day and the later on it becomes cool and by the evening its all beautiful.


 The red sky, cloudy weather and rain that makes it even more beautiful. It makes us feel as if the heaven is nearer to earth. The sweet smell of the wet mud.The first rain drop that touches the earth and the smell that comes- its like a starving person gets water.The happiness of the earth and the joy spreads with every drop of water. Its all GREEN. The city has so much greenery in it and it feels like our mother has opened the door of her warmth and shade of her love.


People come here from different parts of the world. Some come here searching job.Some come here to study, come to enjoy and some to find their livelihood. Different cultures,traditions merge to become one. We meet people-some become friends ,some become enemy(I donot think so that people do have enemy now). Whatever happens but when people come her they learn to live their life.They understand the value of many aspects of life like their family,friends, relatives their independence.


I should say that this city has given my so much- A bunch of loving friends whom i can call my family. I learnt the importance of the things that my parents use to advice me, importance of money, importance of the culture u follow and many more.Its like the words of parents are coming true. I live my life with the fullest joy and i just love my life and thank god for the life he has given me.